So . . . I’ve Been Very Sick

Evening all, it’s been quite a while since I’ve sat down here to talk. Well, just 2 weeks, actually, but in the blogging world that’s enough time to completely disconnect from all of you – And I am very sorry for this disconnection.

Title obviously explains my case. I’ve gone through the whole cycle: sore throat, burning eyes, runny nose, intense fever, chills, sinus pressure, the list goes on. To add to that, the more unusual symptoms include: digestive issues, body aches, and several 20-minute nose bleed sessions. And no, it doesn’t help when I have to swim on top of all of this, pulling calf and shoulder muscles left and right. At this point, it’s a pain in the ass to merely stand up straight, let alone run or swim . . . or even walk.

But I am recovering. Several of the pains I listed above have subsided. Another plus to that is being able to smell and taste my food again. Hah! Tasting sweets and sours again really makes the world go round. Now if only my body would quit aching and the nosebleeds would stop. Gosh, that’d be great.

But why else did I vanish from the community? The simple answer is needing the time to recover – Sleep. Guys, I don’t live the most stressful life on the planet, but damn, sometimes people need to chill – myself included. So that is what I did. I put anime to the side (save for my two simulcasts which I will talk about in my monthly update), set my Sword Art Online “Fairy Dance” research aside, cut my evening YouTube time short (if any), quit practicing the cello, asked my coach for a pardon during a few practices (which she totally understood), heck, I even stopped studying for school for a while there (but oddly enough, I still got great scores . . . yeah . . . stay in school kids).

Yet while all of this was swirling around my head, destroying my motivation and perseverance, I still had clung to one thing – one odd little thing: Charlotte. That’s right, the anime I reviewed a while back. I got into a vicious cycle of AMV watching, and came across someone’s description of the show:

“The superb story about comet dust, a gifted teen, and his promise.”

Damn, that’s powerful. They did a fine job with the video, too. But after listening to the contenders, the first I listened to ended up being my favorite. Now I want to share it with you. It’s apparently a [???Brazilian???] remix of a pretty emotional rock song. I’m normally not too into this kind of deep stuff, and you’ll probably think I am definitely misreading and misapplying these lyrics, but screw it – I’m feelin’ somethin’. The singer repeats:

Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the window…

They probably apply to abuse or something serious like it, and I’m not trying to disrespect the song whatsoever, but I can’t help tying these words to myself, a metaphysical monster of sorts. In the flesh, I consider myself to be a pretty shelled person, the kind that take a bit of unwrapping to get to know on a personal level: intentions, desires, hopes, that stuff. It can be ugly to see someone so gilded walking through the halls. Am I gilded – a monster? So “How should I feel?” Well, that is the question. These creatures, be it deadlines, ambitions, daunting goals, and most obviously, people, lie here. And they are looking through the window of my mind, trying to pry it all open at the same bloody time. What results? I got pretty darn sick . . .  physically and most definitely, mentally. I’ve never been through depression. Is this what it feels like? Have I descended to the pit of my most suppressed pessimistic self? Or is this just me finally growing up? All of these negative thoughts plaguing my mind . . . wow, I just haven’t been feeling myself, more in Yuu’s shoes.

SPOILERS for anime, so please listen, but caution watching:

I’m sharing this song because I dare say that it helped me through it, and to show you the madness that’s been erupting before my face lately (also, it’s pretty catchy, proof that you DO NOT to understand what’s being said to emotions flowing). I’ve spent many hours with this song, and maybe you will, too. Also, I want to apologize to you, because once I post this little update, I have to move on, meaning I won’t be catching up on all of the posts that I missed. I feel ashamed to admit that not only as a blogger, but as a friend of all of you, but if I try to sift through everyone’s posts, I’m afraid I’d just be clicking the like button and moving on, rather than really having heart-to-heart conversations and analyzing reviews and whatnot. I am so sorry. Truly, I am ashamed. 

I want to end this on a positive note, so here’s the grand news: I PRE-ORDERED EVANGELION 3.33!!!!! Once it arrives, I’ll be a new man. Before I exit, I would like to extend my hands to those whom have just stumbled upon my blog and decided to hit that follow button. I’m normally not this distraught, but I am your host at my anime cafe. To those returning, as always, I am forever thankful. I’ve lined up the next few posts to make up for my absence, so I’ll see you all when I bounce back from . . . . all of this. Till then, this has been

– Takuto, your host